Boston Buildup 15K

IT WAS COLD, DARNIT. So cold, in fact, that even the squirrels stayed indoors.

My time was slower than my time last year, so here is my carefully-crafted list of excuses:

1.) Headphones were banned from the race, so I could not be inspired by listening to my Hugo Winterhalter tunes;
2.) I was traumatized by flashbacks of being tasered by wild turkeys chasing me and then driving to Donut Delight;
3.) My "SHAZAM!" doo-rag and socks were in the laundry;
4.) I thought I saw a sign pointing the way toward the Belltown Fire Department Festival, and traveled several miles out of my way before remembering it was January and Ridgefield, not July and Greenwich;
5.) The Crash Helmet I was wearing started to weigh me down at mile 7;
6.) I was detained on the course by race officials who said only those who raised three quadrillion dollars were allowed to run the entire 9.3 miles;
7.) I didn't have my bright pink jacket;
8.) I raised my right arm at a 30 degree angle to wave a proper motorcycle greeting, only to have it freeze in that position
9.) The Port-a-Joes along the route were out of hand creme, so I had to dial the 911-CALL-JOE hotline and wait for reinforcements before commencing the race again;
10.) I added at least 3 miles to my route in having to dodge the spit spewed by fellow racers.